I like the one with the bear catching smartphones

This new range is giving me a serious case of first world guilt. Maybe I should capitalize that, so it can get recognized as a real, no-foolin' disease and I can get prescribed some Absorpistat for it (a name of my own creation, indicating a credible name for a drug that would make you oblivious to anyone's sufferings but your own).

I was wondering: do owls really live in hollow trees? I've never seen one in the wild. I hope they don't live ONLY in hollow trees, because, man. You need to be more adaptable than that. Are owls considered apex predators? These are the questions I have.

I had to go to the dentist today because I have a wiggy tooth that apparently has nothing wrong with it except for I've ground away my gums with exuberant brushing and exposed the root. It would be so sweet if I have to get another gum graft, as it is in my top three worst life experiences.

We watched some Superbowl commercials last night. What a frigging letdown. I seriously hate CGI talking babies. That may have been the lamest batch of Superbowl commercials of all time. Remember the one about herding cats? That was rad. Here's the grizzly bear one (Did you know that polar bears are the largest of all bears, except for Kodiaks? I saw the wooden cutout at the zoo in Portland.):

And the cat one:

Good times.

victory

I've just pulled the trigger on my new range. I was swayed at the last minute to get something I thought I couldn't afford, that looks like Andy Griffith meeting the Jetsons. It doesn't meet every one of my needs, but I couldn't help myself for the price they gave me.

Thank you for the advisements, all and sundry. I like the cut of your jib.

I just don't want buyer's remorse the next day

HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

You will please take note of how many Es and exclamation points I have used. I am in severe appliance-related distress.

I had a crisis of faith last night in which I almost decided to get a cooktop and wall ovens, but then I went back to a range, thinking that someday I could put a single wall oven in the pantry if it turns out that I can't make do with my big oven, my roaster, and Shocky McCrapelements. But I hear that 36" ovens take forever to preheat! And do I really need dual-fuel, or would a gas oven be fine/preferable? I bake a passel of bread, so which kind of oven is better for that? And the range I want only comes in stainless or black, and I've always liked white appliances--is stainless too trendy? The range I'm looking at seems to be a good compromise between my champagne tastes and my moonshine budget--pro-style, but without all the fanciness/high price tag of some of the big names. I should have just gotten a Blue Star two years ago before their prices jumped. It's silly of me, but a major decider is the presence or lack of furniture-style legs. I really like those legs and really hate when they have a drawer all the way to the floor. I think my toes should be there!

Thanks to my piano money (see, it did come in handy!) I'm able to look at something hopefully a little nicer than I could otherwise afford. I'm considering a Fratelli Onofri and a Fisher Paykel. Do any of you have experience with either of those? I flat out can't afford a Wolf, but I like the idea of 36" of cooking surface up top, and I need continuous grates for my giant pans. Is the extra space worth the $800 dollars or so extra, rather than getting something like a GE? No Maytags allowed ever, as my family has a blood fued going with them.

To recap:
1. All gas or dual-fual?
2. Is 36" hideously slow to heat up?
3. One of the ranges has all-convection--no conventional option. Will this bug the crap out of me or be too loud?
4. Will I regret going stainless/pro-style?
5. Legs--is this a sword worth dying on?
6. Should I just get a normal range?

Feedback, please! I'm frantic!

I guess we'll have to not cook souffles in it

Isn't the DI the best?

When John and I got married I chose the stooopidest plates. They were a pale butter yellow that I loved at the time, but they dated super fast. But I've told you already, I didn't even know how to cook, really, let alone plate my dinners (actual dinners, not euphemistic ones). I should have just gone to a restaurant supply place and registered for diner plates. As it turned out, I was able to foist my wedding dishes onto my sister when we moved, and I started looking all over for good diner stuff. I didn't want to pay too much, since it was my own fault I didn't have good dishes already. I scoured multiple DIs for months and months, then one day John called me about these plates (above center)--there was a whole shelf full of them at the Ogden DI, and how many did I want? What a princely score!

They are the best dishes in the world. Just the right amount of heft, food looks and tastes better on them, they provide appropriate serving sizes, and they only cost a dollar apiece.

I also have 24 rocks glasses and some dessert plates that were only fifty cents each, and that is why I love the DI. It's a godsend for snobby cheapskates.

And I think I'm going to get a 36" range. Not sure which brand yet, but I will know on Monday. I decided that as much as I would love side-by-side ovens, it would overwhelm my kitchen. Plus, still no money tree, and Rich Uncle Skeleton insists on clinging to life. I'll keep Old Unreliable around as a spillover oven, and I think 36" of space will provide an adequate cooking surface. That way I'll still have landing space on both sides of the range. Plus, it's true. Ranges just look better.

appliance roulette

Well, the range is all, "Why is the furnace getting all the love? I suck too!" The two large burners on our range--the one that was here when we moved in and electrocuted me before we discovered that it was hardwired into the wall--are giving out, and I have to jiggle the pans back and forth while I'm cooking to keep the connection going. It gets old. But thankfully, all the money we could have spent on a range has now been sunk into a new furnace that won't asphyxiate us with carbon monoxide. We're high-maintenance that way. So what do we do?

1. swap 30" for 30"
a. dual-fuel?
b. all gas?
c. electric is out because I hate those always-dirty glass cooktops
2. buy a cooktop and double wall ovens and hire out the necessary construction and retrofitting
3. buy a 48" double oven side-by-side
4. where is that stupid money tree?

It's only a matter of time before everything in the house is broken.

why would anyone think that businesses exert undue influence in our political process?

Recent lies I have heard:

1. "This new ruling may mean the death of the Democratic party."
2. "Republicans tend to benefit more than Democrats from big business."
3. "Voters are too smart to be duped by these special interest groups funding candidates."
4. "This does not mean that businesses are going to suddenly take advantage of the new ruling to further their own ends."

you say oyster, I say urstah

Continuing last night's topic--if a grown woman of sound mind can be enticed to dress unflatteringly, and pay for the opportunity to do so, then I certainly don't think we can expect the Terminators to spare us.

We've been trying to chip away at the broth I made for the pho on Monday night. I threw some more spices in it and made a beef noodle soup, and it turns out that Superman is ever so much not fond of fennel seeds, everybody else feels about the same. Crazy, I know! That's one of my favorite parts about paying the tab at the Tandoori Oven and the Indian oven and the Bombay Grill and the Bombay House (Provo, NOT Salt Lake, with its tweakings and reworkings of good recipes to make them taste like Ragu soda pop die die die), is the licoricey finish that doesn't quite obscure the paint-melting breath. So the soup went over like brains on toast and was not a success. But the pho absolutely was.

My family, grateful that they could finally eat something everyone liked.

I was so surprised you could have skinned me alive and called me luggage. The Hulk waxed laudatory and appreciative about how much he loved the meal. Try it with your picky eaters--the nice thing is everybody starts out with a plain bowl of broth, so they can make it as familiar or spooky as they want. I used the Steamy Kitchen recipe, and you're going to want to use every minute of the three hours, or it will be too bland. Included in the recipe is a delicious pun on the homophonic nature of the "pho" and "fuh" sounds.

We also had bubble tea, except we only have herbal tea in our observant Mormon household, so really it was just a peach and coconut smoothie with tapioca pearls at the bottom. It's a lot like finding an unflavored gummy bear in your drink and is utterly charming. I want to drink it for the rest of my life.

Not frog eggs.

I let Superman pick out a treat from the Asian Market for our dessert, and he stayed pretty pedestrian. No umeboshi or rambutan for him!

Here is John holding what only looks like a supersoaker tampon, but is in fact a crispy, creamy, neural synapse-prohibiting taste treat delight!

They were sort of like piroulines, but with crazy stick writing on the package.